So, you like someone, the question that usually follows is do they like you? Not sure? Wondering what to do with this uncertainty? Thinking about how you are going to figure it out? Maybe they could potentially be the one? Or not? It can be hard to try and decode what it is a person may be thinking or feeling, especially when you are just starting to get to know them, well, I may have found a way.

I myself have experienced a few relationships/situationships throughout my 25 years of life, and in turn have acquired somewhat of an understanding of what is needed when trying to build a relationship; you have to take into account each other’s feelings, lifestyles, boundaries, you have to figure out how to establish a balance, how to integrate someone into your life, as they have to with you, into theirs, and somehow create this imaginary middle ground where the relationship can actually live, that is, if you want your relationship to be successful.

But what about the unsuccessful relationships? Well luckily for you, after some reflection on all of my experiences, I have learned and acquired some (hopefully) useful knowledge that you may be able to learn from, and may not have to go through yourself in doing so.

How to lose a guy in 10 ways:

(Disclaimer: Can be applied to any gender despite the title)

1. You can’t be yourself around them. 

You should be able to be yourself when you are with the right person, you should feel naturally comfortable around them, if this isn’t the case, this is definitely a red flag.

If they cannot accept or embrace you for who you are, then they don’t deserve to be with you. 

2.You don’t think or feel positive.

What corresponding emotions do you feel when you think of them? How do you feel after meeting them? Is it a positive feeling?, if not, this may be a sign that they are not affecting your life in a positive way (which they should be).

Try to stop and really think about why it is you think about them, do you really like them?, why?, what kind of person are they?, how do they treat the people around them?, how do they treat you?, etc..

3. Your life isn’t easier.

You are feeling a lot more stressed or unhappy now that they have entered your life.

Yes it’s normal to fight and argue in any relationship, but if there are a lot more bad times then good, you definitely need to rethink the situation,

Always prioritise protecting your peace. 

4. They are not consistent.  

They only text, contact you, or meet up with you every now and then, maybe it’s only when they’re bored, or only when they want to have sex, whatever the reason may be, if the communication isn’t constant, or they are not trying to get to know who you are as a person, they are probably not that serious about you.

Someone who really wants to be with you would make the effort to try and consistently be a part of your life.

5. They don’t change.  

You have brought up certain actions that they do, or certain issues that you are not happy about, or that make you feel uncomfortable, though they don’t have the desire to change, or at least try to change.

If they really cared, they would.

6. They have double standards. 

If there are certain rules or agreements made by the people in a relationship, they should be upheld and should be expected to be followed by everyone. For example: if you agree that you are going to be exclusive, yet they continue to see other people, but they expect you to still be exclusive.

It is certainly not a great sign if they are not able to comply to a simple mutual agreement. 

7. They don’t respect your boundaries. 

While getting to know one another you have explained that you have specific boundaries, this could be that you need your space, or maybe you don’t feel comfortable talking about your past, or you don’t wish to be physical with them straight away, whatever it may be, if they choose to cross them, they are not taking your wants or needs into consideration.

They should be able to care enough to respect your boundaries.

8. It’s one sided. 

Are you are the one putting in most of the effort? Are you are the one who is always contacting them and asking to meet up? Are you are the one who is always going out of your way to try and make the relationship work and they hardly ever put in any effort? Then you definitely need to re-assess how you are spending your time and energy.

You should both be putting in a sufficient amount of effort in trying to build something between you.

9. They don’t make you a priority.  

Everyone chooses what their priorities are in life, everyone chooses what is important to them, everyone chooses what they want to make time for, and what they don’t want to make time for, everyone has a choice, so if they are not making you a priority in their life, best believe it is by choice.

If you are a priority in their life they would show you.

10. They are emotionally unavailable.

Have you ever gotten mixed signals from someone? You feel like they like you but they don’t express their emotions towards you or about the relationship? Yes? This may be because they are emotionally unavailable.

I know that when you first start getting to know someone it’s common for feelings towards the relationship to be unknown, but if this is still the case even after a significant amount of time, they may not be ready to be vulnerable, which is usually what is needed for a relationship to progress if you are expecting to be serious.

I think it’s very normal to go through difficulties or to have disagreements, it’s important to always try and communicate any problems and/or issues you may have, and if they end up to be unsuccessful relationships, although they may leave you with some negative memories, I believe there is always a lesson, or lessons to be learned from every experience. It can give you an opportunity to grow as an individual and can ultimately help you figure out what it is you really want, and do not want, out of a relationship.

You may have also been guilty of one or some of the above points, or other actions that you may not be so proud of, I know I have, but it’s our job to reflect and learn from, not just their actions, but our own, as there may be some things you need to improve or try to work on, which will help you to become a better partner, and in turn, help make the best out of your relationship or the next relationship to come.

And if you do end up in a situationship or relationship and they are showing signs of one of these points, don’t worry, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not the one, nobody’s perfect, and at the end of the day it is your choice, it’s your life, so make the decision that’s best for you.

#relationship #love #blog #mentalhealth #valentinesday