Have you ever fallen in love? That feeling of absolute acceptance you have towards that someone special in your life, someone you love unconditionally, without excluding all of their flaws and imperfections. This is something I think we all strive to find; someone we can love unconditionally, and to hopefully receive that same love in return. But how do we know how to love in this way if we have never experienced it before?

I have always looked for love, acceptance, and reassurance in the people around me; my family, my friends, my teachers, my co-workers, my romantic relationships, come to find out I was looking in all the wrong places, I pushed myself to the side and disregarded the most important person I was supposed to receive love from first, myself. When it comes to someone loving you I believe it ultimately needs to begin with you. Before you can love anyone else, you need to know how to love yourself first.

So, you should love yourself, but how? I have been trying to figure this out and what I have discovered are a few methods that have helped me on my journey of self-love, and may help you in your journey to loving yourself.

• Do you like yourself?:

Are you comfortable with being alone? Do you enjoy your own company? It can be easy to rely on others to feel liked or loved, to rely other people’s presence to feel accepted, but loving yourself requires you to accept yourself wholeheartedly, examining all of your flaws and aspects of yourself you may not like and learn to not only accept them, but feel secure in them.

Don’t be afraid to get to know yourself, discover what makes you you, both the good and the not so good parts, and learn to love it all.

• Know your worth:

Don’t give love so easily, give love according to a person’s actions and effort. Yes, you should be good to the people in your life, but be aware of those who only take, people who are more than happy to receive your love but hardly ever give you any in return.

Who are the people in your life that show up? Who pays attention to you? Who makes time for you? Not everyone deserves your love, no matter what the relationship is. Build and create your own set of standards, be aware that your time and effort are very valuable, so don’t give it away so easily, know your worth.

• Forgive yourself:

I am definitely guilty of being my own toughest critic, I think a lot of us can be, which can be hard to change, to get out of that habit of constantly beating yourself up over the bad choices or decisions you’ve made. We have to remind ourselves that we are human, that we are programmed to make mistakes. Yes, you may have made some poor decisions in the past, or done things you may not be very proud of, but recognise your mistakes, accept that you may have been wrong and move on. We need to learn to stop dwelling on the past.

The way I see it, life is a continuous assessment, we are meant to be constantly learning and growing as people, so allow your mistakes to serve their purpose, allow them to teach you, and while you may have been forgiven by others, remember to also forgive yourself, remember to stop being so hard on yourself. Forgiveness allows you to empty out the negativity from your heart and creates more space for love.

• Be proud:

We tend to skim over what we have accomplished in our lives, I know I do, and if you are the same, then you need to stop, take a breather, make a list of all of your accomplishments, all of the things that you are proud of, acknowledge your achievements, you have probably achieved a lot more than you realise, and know that they deserve your own recognition.

• Take care of yourself:

We need to pay attention to ourselves more, we need to be more aware of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually. Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, meditate, go for that check-up, take a take a break, go on a holiday, treat yourself, if you feel like you need a breather, take some time off, surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you, do what feels good for you.

Listen to yourself, listen to your body, listen to your mind, give them an opportunity to be able to recharge. It can be easy to feel off-balanced sometimes, or tired, or drained, therefore allow yourself time and space to become re-centred again. And if you need help it’s ok to ask for it, talk to a friend, talk to a loved one, see a professional.

No one should take care of you better than you.

• Protect what is important to you:

I have come to the realisation that who you are is the most valuable thing you can offer to this world, so make sure you protect it. Don’t be afraid to be you, be unapologetically you, and if people don’t like it that’s their problem, you are not living a life to please them, you are living it for you. Fight for what you want, do what makes you happy, as long as you are not hurting anybody, you have every right to. Trust in yourself and don’t be afraid to show the world who you are.

These few steps have definitely helped me in becoming a more self-loving and self-accepting person. It does take time to adjust, to get used to a new way of thinking and breaking old habits, and you will be down at times, and there are days where you will be your own worst enemy, which is normal, but once again don’t be so hard on yourself. Give it time, and with practice and constant reminding, you will be able to train yourself into a much more self-loving mindset (which I am still getting used to).

I think the process of loving yourself is a life-long journey, so remember to be kind to yourself and never stop falling in love with you.

#mentalhealth #selflove #blog #love